hi bunnies. Thanks for still sticking with me. This blog has been such a joy to curate within the past year, even the moments I don’t seem so involved with it. I say this because for months, maybe even years, I wondered how I would ever do it – what would I write about? Who would even care? how would I start to allow more vulnerability into my life to share so openly? Well, as it turns out: anything, it doesn’t matter who cares, and that’s the point baby! turns out.. its kinda chic to share your most honest self. I’ve invited so much more love into my life doing so – and yes, even when honesty has hurt or been complicated – it has always resulted in clearer communication and what? broadened perspective.
I hope you’re enjoying monsoon season. I write this during a thunderstorm on a Wednesday morning, pitter-pattering outside my office window. Finishing up August’s gigs and heading to my favorite months. I’m a spring baby, and while spring has always been the canonical symbol of rebirth and new beginnings, I find so much promise in autumn. slowness, reflection, mood, spice. And so that is what I’ve set aside September and October for. I’ll only be doing my monthly Dorothy’s residency every last Friday of the month going forward, with my love child Eden’s last day on September 19th. I really hope you all can make it. I hope anyone I’ve never known can make it lol. I have a poem I’d like to read – can’t wait to snot cry all over the microphone.
There are many reasons I’ve decided to put Eden to bed. Specifically, I got a new job with an event and entertainment brand that I’m really excited about. So, not only do I have two jobs, but I really do want to put my all into this new freelance position. I’m excited about what I’m learning, the skills I’m cultivating, the risks I’m taking. And I started DJing YES to be a DJ YES to create space and YES i love that and will continue to do so – but I’ve been waiting to translate that into a real, reliable career. and I feel I’m on the brink of that. I don’t want to jinx it, so only love here, no evil eye please <3 But more broadly, and in full transparency, I’ve felt sort of disillusioned as a sapphic leader lately in Chicago. At this point, in my personal life, I want to be a villager right now, instead of a leader. Sometimes, I wonder how that label was even thrust upon me. And, despite what you may see after one or two drinks and after being handed a microphone lol, I like working behind the scenes more than I do being a performer. I want to enjoy my friend’s parties – sometimes when I’m DJing them, I get antsy cause I see my friends having a nice time and I’d rather be hanging out with them! (listening to me DJ lol) In between, I’ll continue to do a few gigs here or there. Maybe take up a couple in November. and then a few more after Winter. Ok, I’m losing the plot here. Point is, I’m putting Eden to bed because sometimes she feels like a kind little old lady I keep poking to wake up and make me a midnight snack. I wanna end when the going is good. I want to acknowledge the community we built – and have it extend farther as branches from the Eden tree. I want to read my poem and tell my friends I love them. I want to thank everyone sincerely. You know? you know.
I hope I’ll see you there. Damaverse next weekend and a Slut’s Party Labor Day before that.
For my own posterity, here I have a running list of topics I want to write about in the upcoming months:
- how queer spaces granted me and furthered my knowledge and experience of body positivity and body freedom
- how lesbianism has granted me freedom from appearance obsession (for the most part) and perspective on ugliness
- my roadtrip to Memphis with my first girlfried in 2015 – thinking about the polaroids splayed out across the heater by window of that west memphis, arkansas truck stop hotel
- album reviews via 1001 Albums You Must Listen To generator so as a means of listening to music more intentionally
- opening myself up to the expansiveness of gender non-conformity
